My dad’s nickname for me is “Buzz”. I was Buzz before Mr Lightyear. He gave me this name because he loved the way I busied myself and got jobs done swiftly. I like this name, and I like the hum of being busy and productive.
There are times however, when the “hum” becomes an exhausted vibration. In these times, when I come to prayer, I feel like a spinning top, and the sensation of going around and around – vibrating with activity – does not cease even when I topple over. My mind spurts out upon the centrifugal force created by this spinning busy-ness. I try to turn my consciousness to the Lord and find that my worries, concerns and daydreams have magnetised my mind.
When I am like this, I am Martha. I am Martha who thinks that getting all the jobs done depends upon me. I am Martha thinking that Mary is a slacker, and she leaves me to do everything. My mind runs down rabbit holes, and when I race after it to bring it back to my centre, I find I have lost the centre…and the rabbit tastes good…for a time.
Why does God command us to be still? Why does He want us to stop doing the jobs, stop being productive, stop “contributing” to society, stop being an economic unit, and simply BE STILL and KNOW.
The short answer is that unless we be still, we can never know God who created us in love and sustains us in love.
My activity may result in being successful at my work, having a snazzy home, a clean car, and snappily made beds; and yet, it does not take much stillness to know that I am not God; worldly busy-ness will never change hearts, heal emotional and psychological wounds, or convert minds that have been misled.
Relentless activity is symbolic of the Fall in many ways: it says, “I take upon myself the redemption of my fallen self.” Work is necessary, and it is toil (Mt 10:10), whilst indolence and idleness are an evil to be abhorred (The Imaginative Conservative). Sometimes resting in the Lord can feel like idleness – perhaps this arises when we have not deeply clarified the point and purpose of stopping and being still. Our desire should be to come into communion with Christ; it is a meeting of hearts; not a meeting of heads. Prayer is not a board meeting where I strategise my life. It is primarily the place where I must wait to hear the still, quiet whisper of God telling me that I am lovely, that I delight Him, that I am worthy to be held and cherished.
Fr Mike Schmitz informs me that the wound of womanhood lies in believing the lie that I am not worthy to be loved. Maybe the prince of lies speaks in my heart and says that if I stop and be still, I will not hear that I am loved as I am; and thus, the lie that I am unworthy will be compounded. Therefore, keeping busy ensures that I will not have to face the terror of not belonging, of not being worthy, of not being loved…maybe…
As women and mothers, we often cry out, “but if I don’t do the jobs, no one will!” And this is often true. A friend once told me that she left a sock on the floor in the passageway to see if her husband or children would bend to pick it up. None of them did. And thus, it becomes a grave temptation to believe that we must drive ourselves onward and put off this non activity of “being still”.
It remains; however, an imperative of the Lord’s – to, “be still and know that I am God.”
As a recovering choleric, I am constantly having to battle the temptation that, “she who gets the most jobs done is the winner.” In doing some reading for this article, I chanced upon this interpretation of the word to “be still”:
The Hebrew word being translated here as “Desist” or as “Be still” is rapha. It literally means be weak, release, die to yourself, drop down, or let go. This word has also been translated as “surrender.” A human being is the one who “drops down” or prostrates himself or herself in the presence of God, God who is exalted.
Being “weak” “dropping down” and “letting go” are dreadfully difficult …what if I can’t get back up!!? The capacity to surrender and drop down is an anathema to our modern world; it is counter cultural; however, its attainment is what distinguishes us as “practising” the faith; it sets us apart from the rat race. When we practise the faith, we must bring our body, our mind, our spirit into one place at one time and fall down before the awesome magnificence of our Trinitarian God. How can we stand before such awesomeness? We can’t; we must release and be still.
Being still is not passive quietism, but an active choice to topple over and fall down.
In trying to be still today, I pondered God’s Word in Hebrews. I was searching for the answer, “Lord, why do I need to be still before you?” In Hebrews 3:6, the chapter heading says,
“How to reach God’s land of rest.”
I am no theologian, but stillness and rest seem to go and in hand, and when I pray, I desire to dwell in this land of rest to be able to return to my day and, “work with unsparing energy”(2 Thess 3:8). In Hebrews 3:14, we are reminded that we cannot enter into this land if we have hardened hearts. Furthermore,
“because we have been granted a share with Christ only if we keep the grasp of our first confidence firm to the end.”
Being still before the Lord is imperative if we are to keep our hearts soft in order that our resolve will remain firm. I love a Christian paradox: I must be soft, if I am to remain firm; I must let go of self, and grasp onto my first conversion. Soft and firm. Let go and grasp.
Being still and acknowledging that God is the Father of all created beings is a daily decision – sometimes it must be made moment by moment. Perhaps you pause for no good reason as you hang a load of washing, wash some dishes, type an email, look at the weeds in the garden – take hold of that moment! It is given to you by the Holy Spirit who whispers, “be still a moment and rest.” Along with this awareness and presence in our daily life, striving to implement a long time of prayer each day is vital if we are to acquire, by dint of perseverance, the capacity to be still. It is a discipline and an art which begins when we fall down before the Lord of Life.
A little further on in Hebrews, we read of the Lord’s power to heal us, as only the Divine Physician can,
Heb 4:12-13 The Word of the Lord is something alive and active: it cuts more incisively than any two-edged sword: it can seek out the place where soul is divided from spirit, or joints from marrow; it can pass judgement on secret emotions and thoughts. No created thing is hidden from him; everything is uncovered and stretched fully open to the eyes of the one to whom we must give account of ourselves.
I can only rejoice in this exceedingly vulnerable and delicate operation if I grow to believe that He is a God of Mercy: a God who loves me with exquisite tenderness; who stretches me out to expose the gnarly places that need His healing balm; who desires to knit me together in my inmost self (Ps 139:13); and make me strong with regard to my inner self.(Eph 3:16)
And for this most extraordinary work of God, I need to stay still. I am that spinning top, and I must fall down before the Lord and lie there basking in his love; a love which says,
“I love you, Sarah, I desire that your heart be, ‘fashioned as a shelter in which other souls may unfold (Edith Stien).”
~ Sarah McDonald
Sarah is married to James and they are blessed with four children. Sarah gained a degree in Education, had a cerebral hemorrhage and returned to study Chinese Medicine and shiatsu therapy. By her account, she wasted her 20s gallivanting around the world before experiencing a conversion in Paris at the 1997 World Youth Day.
She and James have recently moved to the foothills of the Snowy Mountains where Sarah teaches grammar at the Augustine Academy Liberal Arts School.